Psychology: This is the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism

First, let's look at the similarities: Both narcissism and healthy self-esteem involve a positive self-perception – however, this perception differs greatly in both cases.

The common belief is that narcissistic people have high—even excessive—self-confidence. But that's not true. While healthy self-confidence is primarily about seeing ourselves as valuable, in narcissistic people this self-esteem usually leads to people taking themselves too seriously and focusing excessively on their own needs.

Self-confidence and narcissism: "I am valuable" vs. "I am special"

A person with healthy self-esteem might say, "I am good and valuable," while a narcissistic person might say, "I am special" or "I am the best here." This puts them above others, whereas a self-confident person recognizes their own worth independently of others.

People with narcissistic tendencies feel superior to others; their entire self-image is based on external factors—how they see themselves in comparison to these others, and especially how others see them. This seemingly strong self-confidence quickly collapses like a house of cards when someone criticizes a narcissistic person.

If, on the other hand, someone has a healthy self-confidence, this feeling of self-worth is detached from others - the person recognizes their value as a human being independent of external factors and the opinions of others.

Study examines the differences between narcissistic and confident people

A Dutch study led by Eddie Brummelman of the University of Amsterdam was able to detect this crucial difference even in children. For the study, a group of 71 four-and-a-half-year-old children were asked to sing a song in front of their parents, a filmmaker, and one of the researchers. Before, during, and after this performance, various vital signs and physiological reactions were measured to evaluate how nervous they felt.

Three years later, at the age of seven and a half, the children were asked to fill out psychological questionnaires to find out whether they exhibited narcissistic traits and/or how their self-confidence was.

The result of the study: The children who were later diagnosed with narcissism were particularly nervous before the performance, while the children with healthy self-confidence were not particularly nervous before, after, or during the performance.

Self-confidence does not depend on external circumstances

The researchers concluded that narcissistic people feel insecure when they fear being evaluated and judged. Those with healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, have internalized that even poor performance doesn't lose their value as a person, which is why they aren't as afraid of it.

Of course, self-confident people can also suffer from stage fright and be afraid of presenting in front of a large audience. But they can handle a bad evaluation and the possibility of someone making fun of them better than fragile people with narcissistic tendencies. And this deeply rooted self-esteem, which is not dependent on external factors, is the crucial difference between narcissism and healthy self-confidence.

mbl Brigitte

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