Climber defends himself against accusations – expert explains what happens after the death of a loved one

Laura Dahlmeier's fatal fall is a tragic story. Many people are expressing their sympathy, are sad, and are asking questions. Her climbing partner Marina Krauss and mountaineer Thomas Huber answered some of these questions in a press conference – quite matter-of-factly, without tears.

This is precisely what raises new questions for some people on social media and leads to misunderstanding.

One user writes on Instagram: "It was marked by many question marks from the beginning – but even more so since the interview. The interview makes me doubt even more. It's as if someone had memorized a text and then simply recited it without emotion or facial expressions."

"We tried to clearly articulate everything we experienced, to find words, to describe everything, and to leave the emotional storm inside us at the door. Many of your subsequent comments were disrespectful, and you have no idea what goes through all of us when we tell this story on camera."

Huber thus sums up much of what happens during grief. Gisa Gerstenberg, deputy chief physician at Parkklinik Heiligenfeld, explains in an interview with FOCUS online what happens inside us after such shocking moments.

"In situations such as death, accidents, disasters, or even experiences of violence, we are often overwhelmed and simply no longer have a normal repertoire of actions with which we can cope with such traumatic situations. This then leads to an acute stress reaction," explains the psychologist.

It's normal for these symptoms to last for days or even weeks. People exhibit a wide range of behaviors, from aggression to withdrawal and isolation to maintaining normality.

She adds, referring to her climbing partner Marina Krauss, who also showed a rational attitude: "One must not forget that it is essential and vital for a mountaineer to react calmly and objectively in a crisis situation."

"Why aren't we seeing grief in this group now? Some people are asking themselves that question," says the expert. Understandable. But that ignores the complexity of the situation. "It's very important that we approach the grieving process with mindfulness, compassion, and respect for each individual, including Thomas Huber and Marina Krauss. Everyone grieves in their own way."

Every person goes through a personal process. " Grief occurs in four stages," emphasizes Gerstenberg. (Elisabeth Kübler Ross is a psychiatrist who researched this in the 1970s. Our current understanding of grief likely originated with her. A model based on this is by Verena Kast.)

"The emergence of emotions – grief, anger, fear, perhaps even despair and guilt – is what many would expect and want to see now. But that is only the second phase," Gerstenberg emphasizes.

This is preceded by the first phase: the "denial of the truth," the acute stress reaction, the state of shock, and the inability to truly realize the loss. "Someone who experienced what happened to Laura Dahlmeier—that is, this entire group—may now be in this first phase of grief."

The third phase is usually dealing with the deceased, including finding ways to integrate what happened and maintain the relationship through memories or conversations with others about what happened. This is a process once the emotions have been processed.

The fourth phase is the new relationship to oneself and the world after all this. This means integrating the loss into life and developing new perspectives and goals.

All of this can happen in parallel or overlap. The expert explains: "But understanding the phases clearly helps us understand that people are at different stages, and we can't expect someone else to be there at the same time."

"Should we have cried? I barely had time to really process it myself. First, the rescue attempt, where we all had to function, even when we discovered Laura. In those moments, we perceived and rationally weighed what the next steps might be. These are the moments when every emotion must be put aside and a clear mind can be the only maxim."

Thomas Huber describes his inner life very impressively in his Instagram post. "Thomas Huber and Marina Krauss are still struggling to survive," the psychologist explains. "And when it comes to processing all these processes, everyone has their own pace and approach. When we consider that other people are also grieving and the public is involved, everything is intertwined." This perspective is often difficult to understand for someone not present.

"Someone who wasn't there at all and perhaps therefore doesn't feel that first stage of the initial shock so strongly and is sitting comfortably in their living room, may already be further along, in phase two, and feels grief, anger, and these intense emotions," says Gerstenberg.

"This person is then highly irritated not to be able to perceive this in their rope partner." Therefore, it is crucial to understand that everyone grieves differently and cries – or doesn't cry – at different times. This fact should be taken into account "before we start judging or condemning someone."

What happens next? How the individual phases unfold is also unique for each person. According to the doctor, everyone has a different approach:

• Some people tend to deal with it on their own, others seek support.
• There is already a close-knit group around the late Laura Dahlmeier that sticks together. That is certainly very supportive.
• Some people seek support from religious communities, relatives, and friends.
• Clinics also offer grief support groups, therapy groups for grief counseling, and mindfulness groups.

The external pressure on the mountaineering group should not be ignored. "They have to meet all sorts of external demands. Allowing themselves to look inward at their own grief is not easy." She would first like to allow everyone time to come to terms with their own reactions.

This is exactly the time that mountaineer Thomas Huber is now taking:

"Now I'm glad to be able to spend a long time in the mountains starting tomorrow, to disconnect from this world, and finally be able to cry. I hope that we all, especially Marina, get the time to process this properly. And I knew Laura so well that it would be entirely in her best interest for some peace to finally return. Please be respectful."