Expensive separation: One in three divorced couples stay together because of a mortgage

"We split the mortgage payment equally."

Anya and Sergey from Ulyanovsk had been together for eight years, managed to buy an apartment with a mortgage, and three years after their wedding, they realized they were no longer on the same page. The divorce had been difficult, but, as often happens, financial obligations had bound them together more tightly than their marriage ever had. Selling the apartment immediately after the divorce was unprofitable: the market value was lower than the mortgage balance, and the down payment they had painstakingly saved would have vanished into thin air. So they found themselves in a paradoxical situation: living together, but no longer as strangers.

"When we first agreed to live together, it seemed like a temporary solution," Anya shares. "I imagined that in a year or two, something would change: Sergey would find a new job, I'd earn more, and one of us would buy out the other's share. But the reality turned out to be much more prosaic. Every month, there's a huge mortgage payment—100,000 rubles—and housing prices are only going up." According to our subject, living in the same apartment after a divorce requires a constant search for compromises and, as a result, a clear division of responsibilities and expenses. "It was very awkward at first," Anya recalls. "I tried not to run into Sergey, as if we were neighbors, not ex-spouses. But then we both realized it was impossible to live like that. We had to sit down and sort everything out."

They decided to split the mortgage payment equally. "It's our shared responsibility," says Anya. "So we should pay equally. I keep track of who transferred how much so there are no misunderstandings."

This situation, as Anya notes, has its pros and cons. "On the one hand, it's a huge savings. We don't pay rent or spend money on separate apartments. This allows us to pay off the mortgage faster and save for the future. But on the other hand, unfortunately, it's a constant reminder of what didn't work out. Seeing the person with whom things didn't work out every day is hard. Sometimes you just want to slam the door and walk away, but where to?!" Anya complains.

Sergey adds: "I understand it's not normal to live so long after a breakup, but for now I don't see any other way out. I'm afraid of being left homeless, and I know Anya is too. We didn't just get divorced—there were reasons. But we're patient, trying to respect each other's privacy, and find common ground. We've even come up with rules: no new partners in the shared space, no claims on the other's privacy, only respect and adherence to agreements." The ex-spouses hope to soon be able to sell their apartment on favorable terms and move out. For now, they continue to live in this "mortgage marriage," where the main guardians of peace are not love, but a clear division of expenses and mutual respect.

"We endure everything for the sake of our children"

The story of Maxim and Elena from Nizhnevartovsk is not just a post-divorce housing issue, but a drama in which the main characters are the former spouses, and the audience is represented by three children and two furry family members – a dog and a cat.

When our heroes took out a mortgage on a four-room apartment three years ago, they dreamed of a family nest where their children—ten-year-old Yegor and eight-year-old twins Sasha and Masha—would grow up. Their dreams of a happy future were dashed, but the apartment remained. Selling it would have meant losing a significant portion of their investment and, more importantly, leaving the children without a familiar home and school.

"Selling now would mean being left with practically nothing, especially considering the mortgage we still have to pay off," Elena sighs, scrolling through photos of the children on her phone. "The kids have already gotten used to this neighborhood and their friends. We decided it would be better for them if we tried to somehow accommodate each other."

The decision was made: to live in the same apartment, but as separately as possible. The apartment was redesigned. The boys received one of the rooms. Elena and Masha moved into the bedroom. Maxim, to minimize interference, converted the spacious living room into a studio-like space. The kitchen and bathroom became zones with a clear schedule to avoid unnecessary clashes.

"At first, it was simply unbearable," Maxim admits, sitting on the balcony with a mug of tea. "It felt like you were in someone else's house, constantly on guard. But when you see the children playing peacefully, how they're not worried about the divorce, you realize it's worth it. We just have to endure it."

Dividing the mortgage payments was the first and most important step. "We agreed that I would pay 60% of the mortgage and Elena 40%," explains Maxim. "Her salary is less than mine, so we adjusted our shares accordingly. If one of us experiences temporary difficulties, we always discuss how to compensate. The main thing is that the payments are made on time."

The shared budget for the children is a different story. Elena, who works remotely, covers daily expenses: groceries, clothing, stationery, and school lunches. Maxim, whose job is more lucrative, pays for utilities, children's clubs and activities, and major purchases like appliances and renovations. "When we took out a mortgage, we thought about our family, about the children. Now we think about them when we pay the rent," says Elena. "It's just that now it's not our shared family, but our shared children and our shared pets."

The good-natured Labrador and the timid Persian cat have become the ones who bring the most "common" life to this mortgaged family. "The dog is my responsibility," explains Maxim. "I walk him and feed him. It's easier with the cat; she's more attached to Lena, but we take turns buying food and litter, as we agree."

"We don't know what will happen to our living space," the woman says. "Maybe we'll be able to sell it someday. Or one of us will buy out the other's share, but for now we're huddled in the shared space. The main thing is the children. That's what unites us."

"People live like this out of despair."

Anastasia M., 41, from Lyubertsy, near Moscow, married for the love of her college years. The marriage lasted 15 years, during which she had two children. Twelve years ago, the couple took out a mortgage on a four-room apartment—enough space for everyone. However, five years ago, the relationship between Anastasia and her husband completely broke down. He took an affair, which Anastasia could not forgive. The couple decided to end the marriage, but the shared mortgage payments made it difficult to move out quickly. "My ex-husband and I lived under the same roof for a year after the official divorce," she shared. "On the one hand, the pandemic compounded this, and we struggled to formalize everything for a long time. On the other hand, we also spent a long time trying to find a way to resolve the payment situation."

The children had become very accustomed to their neighborhood, with its school, sports clubs, friends, and neighbors, so Anastasia didn't want to swap apartments. The couple decided to split the responsibilities, even though living under the same roof was extremely unpleasant for the ex-husband and wife. "We split the mortgage payments while we were living together, but as soon as we could, I paid off his share of the apartment and the remaining balance so I could transfer ownership to myself," she said. "In my opinion, people live like this out of desperation. There are no advantages to this situation: living together becomes even more unbearable, and splitting the mortgage costs doesn't compensate for the emotional damage in any way. I can offer only one piece of advice in this situation: find the strength to negotiate and come to a solution that works for everyone: either sell and divide what's left, or compensate the other party for the cost of the apartment."

Mortgage disputes

According to a survey conducted by a well-known marketplace, only 36% of former spouses manage to separate immediately after a divorce. Among those who continue to live together in a shared apartment because of a mortgage, 43% of Russians pay the mortgage jointly, 38% split the payments by agreement, and 19% admit that the entire burden falls on one spouse. Moreover, the higher the mortgage payments, the longer families delay separating. For example, if the monthly payment exceeds half of the former spouses' combined income, the average length of their cohabitation is approximately 10 months. This is 2.5 times longer than for couples whose payments do not exceed 20% of their income—these couples continue to live together after a divorce for only about four months. According to Yaroslav Gutnov, founder of SIS Development, the number of such co-borrowers may increase in the future due to the increasing share of family mortgages in housing sales in recent years.

Divorced couples' future plans vary greatly. Just over a third (39%) of respondents plan to sell their apartment after fully repaying the loan and split the proceeds. About a quarter (23%) of respondents intend to terminate their mortgage early to sell the home faster, 11% would like to buy out their ex-partner's share, 17% are considering moving to rented accommodation, and a tenth of respondents have not yet decided on their future plans.

"Unfortunately, situations where a mortgage proves stronger than a marriage are becoming common," says Svetlana Opryshko, director of the Vseostroike.rf portal. "For a significant portion of Russians, housing issues are stronger than personal dramas. And this isn't about a reluctance to move out, but about the financial inability to do so." Moreover, the very logic of cohabitation for the sake of housing applies not only to mortgage borrowers but also, for example, to renters.

This format of joint property ownership certainly has its pseudo-advantages. The main one is the preservation of assets and the fulfillment of loan obligations to the bank without the risk of damaging one's credit history. For families with children, it is also an attempt to minimize the disruption to the younger generation by preserving a familiar environment. However, there is a downside: not only is it impossible to close the relationship and the constant tension of forced, unwanted neighbors, but also legal vulnerability when all agreements, including those related to shared property, are based on a lack of honesty. "In the foreseeable future, we will see an increase in such situations," the expert predicts. "The high cost of borrowing and general economic instability are forcing people to cling to assets, even at the cost of their personal well-being."

More powerful than personal dramas

As Yulia Maksimovich, Chair of the Russian Guild of Realtors (RGR) Mortgage Committee, pointed out, in the case of housing loans, spouses cannot divide the debt without the bank's consent. Parties should also understand that if one spouse made their own mortgage payments during the marriage, such payments will by default be considered as being paid from marital property. Some couples "exchange" other property acquired during the marriage, such as a car, garage, or parking space, to avoid paying mortgage interest, if, for example, the money belonged to one spouse.

It's important to remember that property acquired during marriage is divided equally in a divorce, in accordance with Article 10 of the Civil Code. A shared ownership agreement can be established for each spouse. Therefore, if there is no dispute between the spouses, they can enter into a property division agreement (agreement on determining shares). "A prenuptial agreement protects the parties, but many of us have prejudices about it: 'What about love?' or 'It will be different here,'" the expert added. "Another difficult issue is whether the spouses used maternity capital. We always warn about the legal consequences of such situations, and most often, the parties prepare in advance. The procedure becomes more complicated when the spouses cannot reach an agreement, and in this case, the divorce situation should definitely be discussed with a lawyer or attorney."

"For those who have already found themselves in a divorce situation with a mortgage, it's important to legally formalize all agreements, clearly outlining financial obligations and the terms of use of the property," advises Opryshko. "It's crucial to discuss a plan for resolving the situation with the other party—whether that means selling, buying out a share, or refinancing." And most importantly, learn to negotiate with a cool head, turning what is often an emotional conflict into pragmatic solutions. After all, this isn't about living together anymore, but about a joint "business" managing real estate. Therefore, the expert advised, it's important to follow the formula: "Nothing personal, just business."