Your attraction to toxic people has a scientific explanation (and it's not your fault)

You've probably heard the phrase "I like bad boys" or know someone who always falls for problematic people. The truth is, being attracted to people with narcissistic or psychopathic traits isn't as rare as it seems. In fact, science has already begun to explain why it happens.

Although these traits often get a bad rap—lack of empathy, manipulation, constant need for attention—some studies suggest they can be irresistible... at least in the short term.

What is it about “bad” people that drives us crazy?

Before judging our romantic choices, it's helpful to understand what we're talking about. A narcissist often displays inflated self-esteem, constantly needs admiration, and tends to ignore the feelings of others. A psychopath, on the other hand, may seem charming, but lacks empathy, acts impulsively, and manipulates without guilt.

And while all of this sounds like a giant red flag, there's something about them that, at least initially, generates attraction. Why? The answer lies in what psychologists call “Dark Triad”: Three personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—that, although problematic, can be seen as attractive and charismatic, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

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A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that people with Dark Triad traits tend to appear more attractive, confident, and charming. According to Professor Qi Wu of Hunan Normal University, these people even inspire more trust upon first contact, despite their questionable emotional history.

What happens, according to psychologist Alex Jones, is that these people know how to manipulate their body language and appearance to stand out. They are skilled at projecting confidence, mystery, and leadership—qualities that many perceive as irresistible. Sometimes, even their unpredictability can be thrilling.

The same research shows that, when the physical factor is eliminated, people with low levels of the Dark Triad are more attractive in the long term. That is, what seduces us at first can become an emotional burden over time.

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According to psychology, we tend to be attracted to qualities such as charisma, mystery, defiance, and a good personal image.

The problem arises when we mistake these attributes for signs of stability or affection. Behind a seductive personality, there may be someone who disrespects emotional boundaries or who exercises control and manipulation.

The attraction to "bad boys" isn't a defect or an inevitable destiny. The important thing is to detect the warning signs early:

Relationships that go too fast
Jealous or controlling behaviors
Lack of emotional responsibility
Contempt for the feelings of others

As clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula warns, "The real risk appears when the initial charm blinds us to what lies beneath." The key lies in self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

With information from Sumédico

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