What does it mean when someone stares into your eyes, according to psychology?

We've probably all experienced the experience of someone staring at us in social settings, which probably makes us uncomfortable. Or perhaps even uncomfortable? The reasons for this behavior can vary greatly depending on the psychological context, as everything depends on personality, the context in which the situation occurs, how long the gaze is held, and everything other than verbal language , which has a significant influence.

So, we consulted psychologist and hypnotherapist Daniela Constantin , an expert in helping people overcome emotional blockages, anxiety , and insomnia, to try to unravel the reasons that lead a person to this behavior, which can be considered intimidating in many cases.

Staring into the eyes… Intimidation or trust?

As the psychologist I consulted explains, "When a person gazes intently into someone's eyes in professional contexts, it's often associated with confidence. When someone holds another person's gaze, it conveys closeness, security, and even connection. Someone who feels insecure or very embarrassed will find it difficult to maintain this type of gaze."

A clear example of confidence occurs "when a person speaks in public: if they look at the audience firmly and directly, they convey confidence, connection, and even power, but from a place of security, not dominance or defiance. The consequence is that a greater connection with the audience is generated. The audience will always value someone who looks straight ahead more than someone who fixes their gaze solely on the screen or downwards."

In therapy, this eye contact also signifies trust, but in this relationship , essential details such as empathy and presence are added, which make the other person feel seen and understood. "In social contexts, a steady gaze is often a sign of genuine attention: the person is interested in what you're saying and wants to listen."

A sign of attraction in relationships

In the same context, but with regard to romantic relationships, that same gaze can become a sign of romantic or sexual attraction. "From an evolutionary perspective, sustained eye contact functions as a signal of attraction because it reflects total concentration on the other person and openness to the bond. Unconsciously, the gaze acts as a 'choice' mechanism and as an indication of readiness for an intimate connection."

Another possibility, however, and according to Daniela Constantin, is that the fixed gaze " has nothing to do with attraction or challenge, but rather with an evaluation process . It can mean that the person is observing, judging, or trying to interpret what you are transmitting. In these cases, the consequence can be twofold: it can generate a feeling of interest and genuine listening, but also discomfort or distrust if the gaze is perceived as critical or invasive."

Knowing how to interpret beyond the simple look

The meaning of a gaze can never be understood in isolation. " Depending on the emotional, social, and cultural context, it must be analyzed in conjunction with facial expression, posture, gestures, physical proximity, and also verbal language (the words and tone of voice that accompany them). Only by observing the gaze within this complete framework can we more accurately interpret what the person truly wants to communicate," says the expert.

In some cases, for example, "people hold eye contact longer than expected because they have not mastered the social norms of eye contact, or because, due to their own condition, they are unable to naturally regulate or manage the way they look . This may be related to certain personality traits or conditions such as the autism spectrum."

This is how we should respond to a fixed gaze, according to the intention

The way you react to eye contact will always depend on the intention behind that gaze. According to the psychologist, "if the gaze is conveying trust or interest, it's best to respond naturally: hold it for a few seconds, smile, and open up with body language. This strengthens the connection and facilitates fluid communication."

If we sense attraction, then "the response will depend on whether or not that same interest is shared. If the attraction is mutual, returning the gaze can create intimacy; if it isn't, you can defuse the situation by politely looking away to avoid misunderstandings. For the challenge, it's important to stay calm: return eye contact firmly, but not stiffly or confrontationally. It's not about getting into a power struggle, but rather about showing inner security and poise ."

When it's perceived as judgment or criticism, the expert says, "a healthy way to manage it is through verbal communication; verbalizing what you perceive helps transform tension into dialogue . If the gaze generates constant discomfort, in cases where the gaze is perceived as invasive or excessive, it's best to set boundaries with respect: look away, change position, or even express how it makes you feel."