A World Cup to remember

Dr. Patán watched with a heavy heart and a whiskey in his hand to digest his humiliation as the Colombians tore us apart, and he thought: "Why wouldn't the Former Fifth Most Popular President in the World ( EQPMPDM ), instead of baseball, be passionate about soccer?" You'll understand why I'm pondering.

The national team, in next year's World Cup, will oscillate between unmitigated ridicule, like the other day against Colombia, and a spectacle of mediocrity, like the one the day before yesterday against Ecuador, for one reason: we don't have players up to the task. The raw material is lacking. For many years now, we haven't produced a single player, in a single position, who is not even among the best five, but at least among the best 15 in the world.

Who could have fixed this mess? The EQPMPDM . Just as it put a lot of money into baseball , it could have put another one into soccer, and commissioned the Army to take over the project, and relied on the friends of the bodocones to provide it with everything, and now, just as it left the Guacamayas de Palenque stadium in a state of disrepair, we'd have to get Mbappé from Fresnillo, a Lamine from Tepetitán, or a Haaland from Los Mochis.

But that wasn't the case, because the EQPMPDM can't be everywhere either, no, no shit, so we'll fail. That said, your Doctor here is extremely optimistic because we'll once again be the ideal hosts and the party leaders, thanks to the renowned Mexican hospitality and, above all, thanks to the fact that our city, the capital, will be transformed into a Disney castle, but a popular one. We'll fail, but only on the field, I assure you, because we're governed by a sure thing: Clarita, the woman of utopias.

The morally defeated opposition hopes to see the French team's truck swallowed by a sinkhole, the Spanish assaulted by a detachment of riot police, the German truck vandalized by the black bloc, Brazil unable to reach the stadium because of a CNTE blockade, and the Belgians with their shoes soaked with urine from the bathroom floor of the Benito Juárez stadium.

They're going to hit a wall. My Clarita has already rolled up her sleeves, and we'll grace the soccer festival with a city as smooth as an ice rink, as safe as a Scandinavian country, and, above all, fraternal, boisterous, and sophisticated, with its snack stands on Reforma, its conchero dances everywhere, and its bales of clothing at Bellas Artes.

Anyway, chilangos, we're going to be bursting with pride. Again.

@juliopatan09