Has having a boyfriend become awkward? What's left when monogamy ceases to be destiny?

Has having a boyfriend become embarrassing? This provocative question has been circulating social networks for days thanks to an article by Chanté Joseph published in Vogue , titled "Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?" The piece—written from a very female perspective—starts from the fact that, on social media, explicitly sharing romantic partners has become uncommon or viewed with embarrassment. While in the past, being in a relationship was considered a positive status, almost an achievement , today there are signs that this status is starting to be considered less desirable.

According to Joseph, young women today experience a constant tension between the desire for a relationship and the desire for independence . While on the one hand, they desire the "beneficial effects" of a romantic relationship (support, companionship, intimacy), on the other, they fear losing their autonomy and becoming conformists . The concept of " being single " today appears as a space of freedom, self-definition, and social recognition. And it also becomes an active and valued choice.

Girls fear losing parts of their identity once they get together.

The Vogue article suggests that this scenario reflects a broader questioning of traditional roles: the idea that being in a relationship signifies an absolutely positive status is becoming less accepted, and women have begun to question the social value of being in a "traditional" relationship. But what are possible alternative models to the "heterosexual romantic couple"? And why can implementing them be beneficial for everyone?

Confirming the decline of the couple-based relationship model is an article in The Economist, which notes that in OECD countries (i.e., those considered to be economically more developed), a growing number of people remain single or choose not to live in a couple. For example, in the United States, the share of 25-34 year-olds living without a spouse or partner has roughly doubled in the last 50 years, and in 26 of the 30 countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, more people live alone than in the past. The article identifies women's increasing economic capacity and independence as one of the key factors behind this trend: their ability to support themselves removes some of the social "need" to be tied down in a couple. Furthermore, the spread of shorter or less stable relationships, and the conscious choice not to find a partner or to do so later, are all factors contributing to the rise of singlehood . Finally, there are also cultural and social reasons: marriage and cohabitation are no longer seen by everyone as obligatory or automatic, and the idea of ​​"being alone" has gradually lost some of its stigma.

In short, it seems that the decline of the "traditional" couple is not a temporary trend, but a real structural shift in contemporary adult life. But if the traditional model is faltering, what new languages ​​and forms of relationship are emerging?

But if the number of single people is growing, it doesn't mean the desire for connection is disappearing: perhaps it's just changing form. To understand how the forms of connection and intimacy are changing today, we spoke with Marina Misaghinejad , transfeminist activist and member of the Collettiva Poliamorica in Bologna , asking her to help us interpret these signs not just as "trends," but as symptoms of a broader evolution in our ideas of freedom and belonging.

Misaghinejad tells us how monogamy has "for centuries imposed not only a dominant emotional and sexual model, but also a sort of relational and social hierarchical scale , with implicit rules about how to love, whom, and when." A restrictive model that seems increasingly restrictive and that too often becomes a bond that is more performative than authentic. The alternative? Non-monogamy , an extremely open relational practice, interpretable according to one's needs and desires. "Non-monogamy often arises as a conscious and transparent choice : it is not a gesture of ostentation or status, but a way to freely explore relationships, respecting the desires and needs of all the people involved," explains the activist.

We wonder, however, whether this "new" way of relating, which seems to be increasingly widespread, represents real progress or risks becoming a new form of performativity. But Misaghinejad is optimistic: "I believe the increased visibility of these relational forms is a sign of real progress in freedom of choice. The only thing that disappoints me is that these relational forms are still far too hidden and present primarily within certain bubbles ."

The Vogue article we started with discusses the fear many women have of being "absorbed" by their partner's identity , of becoming "the girl of." In polyamorous relationships (one form of non-monogamous relationship), where there are multiple romantic relationships, one might think there's an even greater risk of "identity fragmentation." Yet, given the foundations on which these bonds are built, the opposite occurs: "In multiple relationships, autonomy and a sense of self are built through transparency, communication, and respect for personal boundaries . Each person involved maintains their own individuality, and relationships become spaces for mutual growth rather than limits that define who we are," the member of the Polyamorous Collective tells us. "I believe this is one of the strengths of non-monogamy: it allows you to explore different bonds without giving up your own sense of identity, while challenging traditional relational models that have historically imposed rigid roles and definitions."

In short, more ties don't mean greater dependence on others—another issue that seems to concern young women today. Indeed, " polyamory and other forms of non-monogamy challenge the culture of possession that historically characterizes many monogamous relationships." Living consciously in multiple relationships breaks down the idea that in a relationship "we belong together" and "allows us to affirm that each person belongs first and foremost to themselves."

Let's be clear: non-monogamy isn't just a way of approaching romantic-sexual relationships, but can also involve new ideas and models of friendship and family. For example, it can teach us not to necessarily prioritize our relationships so that romantic and "blood" ones come first, but to build "families of choice" with the people we love—whether romantic love, friendship, or family.

"I believe that building bonds, creating collectivity and community is the only thing truly imaginable and necessary right now," says Misaghinejad. And it's neither necessary nor obligatory to be in multiple or polyamorous relationships to contribute to this transformation: " Even in a traditional relationship, you can begin to question roles , expectations, and social dynamics, and from there build paths of autonomy, solidarity, and collective transformation ," argues the transfeminist activist.

Perhaps the future of relationships lies not in the end of a relationship, but in the ability to choose—every time—how we love each other, without having to justify ourselves. Because questioning monogamy or heteronormative couples doesn't mean rejecting love, but liberating it from its hierarchies . It's a political gesture: restoring relationships to their most radical dimension, that of freedom and mutual care.