The phrases a child needs to hear to become a healthy adult, according to psychology

"It's okay," "You're the best!", "You're so smart!" are some of the phrases parents often use, and while they may seem harmless or even well-intentioned, many of these statements can leave deep, and not always positive, marks on children's self-esteem. This is the warning from psychologists and sociologists who have studied the effects of everyday language on children's emotional development.

According to psychologist Becky Kennedy, an expert in parenting and bonding, it's critical for parents to examine the messages they send in their attempts to raise "successful" or "happy" children.

There are certain compliments and phrases that, although they may sound encouraging, can create pressure, anxiety, or a false self-image in children.

One of the most common expressions is "You're the best!" This phrase instills in children the belief that they must excel above others to gain approval. "It makes them feel they have to work harder than necessary to receive love or recognition, and in adulthood, this translates into perfectionism, fear of failure, and social anxiety," he notes.

Another expression she recommends avoiding is "You're so smart!" Although it seems like a positive compliment, this type of comment can lead children to believe their worth is tied to their academic achievements or intellectual abilities. This can lead to insecurity when they face challenges they can't easily solve, because they fear losing their intelligence.

Instead of these compliments, phrases like: I saw you were very focused on what you did, I'm proud of your effort, no matter the result , and What did you learn today, even if it didn't go well? are suggested.

This type of language reinforces autonomy, perseverance, and self-esteem without creating dependence on external success or other people's approval.

For his part, American sociologist John Duffy has identified a particularly damaging phrase that many parents repeat without noticing its effects: “I’m proud of you.”

Although it seems positive, Duffy cautions that this statement can condition love and validation on the child's achievements, rather than their essence as a person.

"The implicit message is, 'I'm proud of you for doing something right.' But what if they don't succeed? The child may feel like they're letting their parents down or unworthy of their love," Duffy explained.

To avoid this emotional impact, Duffy recommends using a healthier version of this phrase, focused on unconditional affection and personal validation: "You must be so proud of yourself. How are you feeling? I love seeing how happy you are with what you did. I love you no matter what."

Both experts agree that the foundation for an emotionally healthy adulthood begins in childhood with clear, empathetic, and unconditional emotional communication.

Instead of focusing on results, they recommend paying attention to the process, the emotions the child experiences, and their ability to learn from experiences.

Kennedy and Duffy also emphasize the importance of avoiding phrases that deny children's emotions, such as "Don't cry," "That's nothing," or "Big kids don't get angry." These expressions, while intended to soothe, can invalidate emotions and hinder the development of social-emotional skills.

On the contrary, phrases like: "I understand you're sad, I'm here with you, it's okay to feel scared sometimes, you may be angry, but let's talk about it calmly."

According to experts, raising emotionally healthy children isn't about showering them with empty praise or protecting them from failure, but rather about supporting them with language that builds their self-esteem, validates their emotions, and allows them to understand that their value doesn't depend on being the best, but on being themselves.

With information from GDA News, CNBC Make It, and The Tim Ferriss Show podcast.

ANGELA MARÍA PÁEZ RODRÍGUEZ - SCHOOL OF MULTIMEDIA JOURNALISM EL TIEMPO.