Psychology: How introverts find connection and community without burning out

There are repeated reports about the "epidemic of loneliness," about how many people feel alone and lack sufficient social contacts with whom they can exchange ideas and share their lives. But should the remedy for loneliness really be based solely on quantity? Isn't it more about quality? About having genuine connections with others?

How much connection do we really need?

This is precisely the question many introverts often ask themselves. Of course, just like the rest of us, they need other people in their lives. But unlike more extroverted people, they generally need significantly less. Social contact and meeting up with friends are good for all of us, but at the same time, introverts often drain a lot of energy. Their social batteries drain faster than others, even when they enjoy being with their loved ones. How can this dilemma be resolved?

Clinical psychologist Dr. Anjali Ferguson explains on "Oprah Daily" how we can find community without feeling overwhelmed—along with paid work, caring, and all the other daily demands of life. "I define community as a space where there is connection, mutual care, understanding, and a sense of belonging," she explains. "It's a place where you feel safe and can be your authentic self."

We remain ourselves – also in contact with others

Ferguson recommends starting right here to connect more with others: "Start with the things you feel comfortable with," she explains. Because pretending and trying to be something we're not won't help. This is especially true for introverts, who often have to adapt to an extroverted world anyway.

Such a community space can, of course, look very different for different people. For some, it might be a sports club, where we train with other athletes and discuss topics that interest us. For others, it might be a book club, where we bond over a shared interest in reading. But it could just as easily be a church, a yoga studio, or an animal shelter.

According to the psychologist, it's crucial to schedule enough time for relaxation and retreat, which introverts often need. So, we should honestly ask ourselves whether twice-weekly training in our favorite sport or weekly book group meetings are realistic. Because this brings us back to the beginning: quality over quantity.

Digital spaces can also connect

Dr. Ferguson has another tip: "An online community can be really helpful," she says. "It doesn't have the same social pressure as face-to-face contact, but it still provides a sense of connection with people with whom we share interests and feel validated."

Social media is often demonized, but finding accounts and creators on Instagram, YouTube, or TikTok with whom we feel connected, who are dealing with similar topics and who may be suffering from similar issues as we are, can be very beneficial. Of course, such digital spaces can't replace real-life contact with like-minded people, but they can help us feel seen and not so alone.

Because ultimately, that's exactly what it's all about if we want to fight loneliness: not just being with as many people as possible and not spending any time on our own - but feeling connected, belonging, heard and understood.

mbl Brigitte

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