How does the chemistry of desire work? | Sex with Esther

They say desires appear on their own, like mischievous butterflies that decide to land without warning. But that's not true. Desires are cooked. They are cultivated. They are shaped by time, context, contact, words, and, above all, the mind. Because yes, although it sometimes seems like everything happens on the ground floor, the true factory of desire is up in the attic: in the head.

From neurochemistry to erotic literature, human beings have sought explanations to understand why they get off on something at certain times, with certain people, or under certain lighting, mood, or even musical conditions. Some blame pheromones, those invisible molecules that they say drag us along like perfumed zombies. But the truth is, we're not just excited noses: we're also stories, fears, memories, stimuli, and a vast archive of things that have made us shudder... or yawn.

In practice, desire is a complex symphony. Sometimes it all starts with an unexpected glance. Other times, not even fireworks ignite the spark. And that's the thing: desire isn't automatic. It's not a red button or a microwave recipe. Desire is a creative process, a puzzle that mixes biology, emotion, and a bit of fantasy, because no one wants to do something as if they were paying off a debt.

The interesting thing is that this mysterious chemistry can be learned, stimulated, and reinvented. That's what the art of conversation, of looking differently, of discovering other ways of caressing, is for. The skin has memory, and if you treat it with poetry, it can remember why it likes the cot so much. Of course, no chemistry works if you ignore the reality of the body.

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Poor sleep, stress, living in fear, or suffering from a hormonal disorder can disconnect the best and lowest department . And the worst part: you may think the problem is one, or the other, or both, when in reality the problem is that no one has said anything.

That's why talking about desire—frankly, without taboos or nonsense—is a way of having it. Saying "I like this" or "I don't feel like it today" shouldn't offend or scare anyone. Desire isn't forced; it's cultivated. And if there's chemistry, let it be with the whole body, not just the juices.

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So yes: there are pheromones, there are hormones, there are neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin doing their thing. But there's also memory, tenderness, complicity, and skin. Desire isn't a magical spark that appears by divine decree. It's a flame.

which is revived if one learns to blow it with enthusiasm... and with art.

Because if that's going to happen, let it be out of desire, not habit. Let it smell good, let it sound beautiful, let it touch softly. Let it have a touch of science, a touch of magic, and all the pleasure of not having to explain it too much. See you later.