Tour de France riders as football clubs: Tor de France


Jan Ullrich
A super talent, he became a hero in the yellow jersey, briefly captivated the entire country with major titles (Tour de France victory, Olympic gold medal), annoyed the stars – and then repeatedly finished second. Since major successes have dwindled, he's been suffering from a genuine identity crisis. He was, so it is said, clean.

Jan Ullrich is like Borussia Dortmund!
Countless super-talented players became heroes in yellow jerseys, briefly captivated the entire country with major titles (champions in 2011 and 2012, cup winners in 2012), annoyed Bayern – and then repeatedly finished second. Since the major successes have dwindled (or rather, since Jürgen Klopp left), they've been in a genuine identity crisis. It was, so it's said, clean. Klopp's teeth, that is.

Lance Armstrong
An unsympathetic serial winner in France, he climbed to the top with dirty tricks and the injections of shady backers, and fooled the associations for years. He signed the world's most renowned professionals.

Lance Armstrong is like Paris Saint-Germain!
An unsympathetic serial winner in France, who climbed to the top with dirty tricks and financial injections from shady backers, and who has been fooling the associations for years. He has signed the world's most renowned professionals.

Thomas Voeckler
He usually struggled to the finish line behind the top favorites, but when he delivered individual highlights, the whole of France went wild. With joy. One of those in the "emotional" category.

Thomas Voeckler is like Olympique Marseille!
Usually struggles to the finish line behind the top favorites, but when the club delivers individual highlights, the whole of France goes wild. With joy. Or with anger. One of those in the "emotional" category.

Erik Zabel
A tough East Berliner, he temporarily became a cult figure, but then caused controversy with his stance on the issue of "medical emergency" (doping). He often rode to Paris in the green jersey.

Erik Zabel is like Union!
These tough East Berliners temporarily became cult figures, but then caused a stir with their attitude toward the "medical emergency situation" (coronavirus). They traveled to Prague wearing green jerseys (at least goalkeeper Luthe did).

Dino Bruni
The dinosaur! It used to be great, at least according to archives and ancient writings.

Dino Bruni is like HSV!
The dinosaur! It used to be great, at least according to archives and ancient writings.

Jens Voigt
A tough breakaway rider from the East, he always fought his way through somehow. He gave his all for the yellow jersey. But he was still far from the front.

Jens Voigt is like Dynamo Dresden!
A tough, out-of-touch club from the East, they always manage to fight their way through. The fans give everything for the yellow jersey. But they're still far from the top.

Andreas Klöden
When Jan Ullrich's performance faltered, the German press suddenly hailed Klöden as a beacon of hope, someone who could finally end the boredom at the top. Nevertheless, he wasn't particularly popular with the fans. Probably also because he never publicly admitted his cheating, which can be read about everywhere. He has since disappeared into obscurity.

Andreas Klöden is like RB Leipzig!
When Dortmund faltered, the German press suddenly hailed Leipzig as a beacon of hope, one that could finally end the boredom at the top. Still, the fans weren't particularly fond of them. Probably also because the club never publicly admitted its cheating, which can be read about everywhere. Hopefully, it will soon disappear into obscurity.

Jörg Jaksche
Some notable successes around the turn of the millennium, after which he was particularly notable for his big mouth (Kronzeuge).

Jörg Jaksche is like Hertha BSC!
Some notable successes around the turn of the millennium, after which he was particularly notable for his big mouth (Diaries, Windhorst).

Alexander Vinokurov
At some point I tried a turquoise jersey.

Alexander Vinokourov is like FC Barcelona!
At some point we tried a turquoise jersey.

Peter Sagan
A pace machine that everyone could agree on for quite a while. He impressed with his sprints and cool sayings.

Peter Sagan is like Liverpool FC!
A pace machine that everyone could agree on for quite a while. He impressed with his sprints (players) and cool sayings (coaches).

Miguel Indurain
The Spanish veteran won the world's most prestigious title five times between 1991 and 1995. According to Wikipedia, with just 28 beats per minute, he holds the record for the lowest resting heart rate ever measured in a healthy person. He looks good in white.

Miguel Indurain is like Real Madrid!
The Spanish veteran won the world's most prestigious title five times between 2013 and 2022. With 28 elbow strikes per minute, former Madrid player Sergio Ramis holds the record for the highest restless heart rate ever measured in a healthy person, according to 11FREUNDE. He looks good in white.

Joseba Beloki
A fearless Basque who took on the biggest names in the business. He consistently achieved notable successes.

Joseba Beloki is like Athletic Bilbao!
Fearless Basques who take on the biggest in the industry. They consistently celebrate respectable successes.

Richard Virenque
When things weren't going well in the overall standings, he focused on the mountain classification. And thrilled the crowds in white and red.

Richard Virenque is like Eintracht Frankfurt 2021!
When things weren't going well in the overall standings, the club focused on the Europa League. And wowed the crowds in white and red.

Floyd Landis
He was long overshadowed by his local rival Armstrong, but then he wanted to win a title himself, which he achieved in 2006. However, he was also caught cheating in 2006. The Tour victory was annulled, and Landis was suspended.

Floyd Landis is like Juventus Turin!
He was overshadowed for a long time by his local rival, Torino FC (really, he was in his forties), but then he wanted to win titles himself, which he achieved (among other things) in 2006. However, he was also caught cheating in 2006. The championship was annulled, and Juve was forced to be relegated.
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